Back to December
by the-outcast-enchantress
Summary: now i'm back to the start.I knew i had to face my fears someday, but i didn't expect to face them now.To face HIM now.I have to keep this secret from him.He doesn't need to know.That's why I left in the first place.To keep him safe,so he can move on.


_**"Back to December"**_  
_This fanfiction is based on the song "Back to December" by Taylor Swift_

**Disclaimer:** I do _not own_ **Gakuen Alice**, if I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfictions now, would I? _Neither do I own the song_. That's **Taylor Swift**'s brilliance in touching everyone's lives.

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**General Summary:** I stared in horror. Instead of a faded yellow taxi cab, in front of me was a red BMW. No, no, no! I'm not prepared for this yet! 'HE' got out of the car, and just stood there. Maybe thinking about how stupid I was. I gulped. "You're stupid." He said, calmer now. I decided to just act like nothing happened. "I just came back from abroad and those are the first words you greet me with?" I said, exasperated.

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**Chapter 1**  
_Please…_

My pulse was getting fast, my blood boiling underneath my skin. I took a deep breath as I walked down the airplane's open shaft. I'm back, back to the start, back to the memories that I once buried so deep in the back of my mind. There's no turning back now, I knew I had to face my fears someday and I had to face them now.

Maybe I should run for it now? I could fake an illness and make it look like I died or something. Maybe I could make it look like I died in the same car accident my parents died in. Ugh. I was so immersed to the thought of me coming back to this town after three years of being abroad then just be the coward that I am then run for it that I didn't look at where I was heading. Then my thoughts shifted. I'm here now, alive definitely not ill or dead. I have to face them, and I have to face him.

_Him_. Is he still here? Will he be mad at me? Is he still the same, or did he somehow change even a little bit?

Then out of nowhere, I bumped into someone.

"Ugh! Watch where you're going!" I hissed but then, my eyes widened as I took in who the guy I bumped into really was.  
Smooth and silky raven hair, mesmerizing crimson eyes and a breath taking body. Wait, this couldn't be him!

Then he held up a paper with the surname "SAKURA" written all over it with bold, red letters.

"_Natsume_? Uh. Hey." I said, tongue-tied.

I waited for him to talk, to just even greet me a welcome back. But as expected: NO, NOTHING.  
Instead, he grabbed my bags and walked away. I just stood there, for a moment or two, bewildered. He's still the same, and yet somehow, different all together.  
Then somebody smacked my head with my luggage.

"What the-!" I hissed, as I rubbed my now red forehead.

"Hey, are you coming or what?" Natsume said, irritated. I noticed that his voice was kind of different. Deeper, it sounds like it's restraining an outburst. Could three years apart really change him entirely?

"I'm coming!" I replied as I walked towards him.

"Umm. I'm glad that you spared time to see me." I sighed, talk about trying to make small talk.

No reply.

"So, how's life? Tell me, how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while." I asked.  
He still didn't answer and he still had that restraining look in his eyes.

"He's mad, real mad. It's obvious he doesn't want me back here." I thought silently, and I felt a sharp pain go through my chest.

We walked past the metal detectors in silence. It felt like it would take forever just to get to his red BMW convertible. The people around us, the airplanes, and the voice over at the intercom had no match to the deafening silence between us.

Finally! We got to his car. He placed my bags at the back seat and opened the passenger door for me.

"Umm. Thanks. Thank you, Natsume, for coming out here and picking me up." I said, looking him right at the eye.  
He just shrugged no emotion, no verbal reply.

I got in his car and waited as he walked around the car. He's taller, that much is not hard to pinpoint, but something's alien about him, alien to me. It's like he had separated himself from the world since that day, since the day that I…..  
He started the car, the silent purr of the engine made me nervous.

"So, your mom told me that you've been good, busier than ever…." I trailed off, it almost sounded like a question.  
It's useless, he won't talk, and he absolutely hates me.

We raced past buildings, houses and trees, it seemed endless but it has only been 3 minutes since we left the terminal.

7 more minutes passed then I finally gave in.

"_That's it!_ I can't take this anymore! Stop the car, _I'm going home_!" I exclaimed, tears brimming at the corners of my eyes.

He stopped the car, I got out and he followed.  
I thought he'll just stand there, and then he burst.

"Why? Why do you want to go home now? Now that you've gone so far!" He said little, but his eyes said more : He wants me to stay. He needs me to stay.

After a few seconds, I decided to answer his question.

"It's because I know why your guard's up! Because the last time you saw me is still burned at the back of your mind. Natsume, I'm sorry for leaving you like that! If we can, we can start over and-" he cut me off.

"Start over? How can we start over, Mikan? YOU left ME! How can you start that over again? Or do you want to start over so you can tear my heart up again? Answer me!" Natsume's eyes were blazing.

And only now did I realize that his hands had an iron grip on my shoulders. And right then and there, the tears overflowed.

"I just _had_ to leave you back then, I _meant_ to tell you but-" I ran out of breath.

"_But nothing_!" he finished off.

"No! It's not that! Please hear me out, Natsume!" I pleaded as he turned his back on me.

"Please, stay… For me. Please." I begged as I crumbled down to my knees. Using the same words he said to me when I was leaving.

"Tsk. _Pathetic!_ I can't believe that I looked like that when I begged you to stay 3 years ago! _How can I be so pathetic_? Begging for you like that? _It's absurd!_" He exclaimed, walking towards his car now.

"_Please, Natsume_!" I cried, but he still didn't turn around.

He got in his BMW and sped away.  
I sat there, under the shady canopy of the trees, for an hour or two and cried my heart out.

_**6:30 pm**_

Under the shade of the trees I sat. He left me because he hates me for what I've done.

But he won't believe that I'm sorry for what I did; that I regret what I did.

So I guess explaining things to him would be a long shot. I sighed. I have to be strong, strong in faith, health and also to be strong in my love for him. I have to be strong for the boy that I loved and still love.

Natsume Hyuuga, son of the famous realty estate sellers, the Hyuuga family. His parents and my parents were best friends since their school days, which then led to them establishing the Sakura-Hyuuga realty estate business. You can consider us millionaires after all the houses my parents and the Hyuuga's sold, but no, we don't (usually) brag about it. (But then my parents died just a year ago, that's why I'm back here.)

Natsume and I have known each other, probably since birth. I have grown to hate him because he always teased me and called me names, but beneath all that I fell in love with the guy who was sweet and caring at times.

My parents and his parents often put us in the same classes. Be it violin, piano, art, dance, singing, acting or even karate. We we're inseparable back then. Mainly because our parents wanted us to be best friends too, or to develop something deeper. We didn't know what our parents agreed on, but we didn't care either. We we're just enjoying each other's company.

What I remember clearly about him is that he rarely laughs or smiles. That's why one summer I saw him laugh at me while we were heading to the beach (because he poured all the contents of a suntan bottle on me). That laugh was the most precious thing that I saw and heard. After that I did my best to make him happy, to make him smile like he has never smiled before.

All the girls at my uncle's school envies me when I can make him smile. They often say that he's a fallen angel that forgot how to smile. But no, not for me, because for me, he's my best friend. And I did everything that I could to even just make him grin. But, after all those teasing, bickering, and laughing, we fell for each other.

By fall, realization hit us. He confessed and I told him my feelings too. We became an item for 2 and a half years. By September I learned about the condition that I had. I kept it a secret though. Only my parents knew about it. I spent my last months with him pretending to be happy. He thought he was doing something wrong, that I have gotten tired of his love.

**But no, he misunderstood.**

By December, I left for abroad, together with my parents. I ended my relationship with him, which I regret. To be honest, I didn't even want to go. _But I had to_. I left him shattered and bleeding. Because of that, _because of me_, he has never smiled ever since. I thought that leaving and not telling him would make it easier for him to move on. But, it didn't work.  
I tried again to make him forget about me by not giving any kind of connection, I didn't call for his birthday, I didn't reply to his emails; I didn't even answer his calls.

I felt torn doing those things to him, it was pure torture. It felt like my life in abroad was my personal hell, but I had to. I had no choice.

_**7:10 pm**_

My phone was ringing.

It was Aoi, Natsume's little sister. I didn't want to answer, but I had to. The Hyuuga's must be worried about me. Well, _except_ for one.

"Hello?" my voice was rough and edgy from all that crying. I tried to clear my throat softly.

"Mikan-chan! Oh, I'm glad that you're safe. Where are you?" Aoi asked.

"Umm. I don't exactly know where." I replied sheepishly.

"Describe the place, I'll pick you up." She said. No way, a 30 minute drive with Aoi would ruin everything. That girl's smart and annoying at times.

She'll never stop asking questions until she's certain that you've said every detail. I wonder how Natsume was able to live with her. Ugh. I have to think fast.

Curse my bad luck!

"_No, no_! That's okay. Actually, there's a cab coming right now. Don't worry about me, Aoi. I was just out exploring. You know me, always looking for adventure."My voice quavered a little.

I bit my lip, hoping that she believed me.

"Oh. Okay. Take care now Mikan-chan." She replied.

"Okay, bye. See you in a bit." I said then pressed 'END CALL'.

This is bad. There isn't a cab in sight. Oh, wait. I see some headlights. My luck didn't run out after all! Hooray! Then the car parked in front of me.

I stared in _pure horror_.

Instead of a faded yellow taxi cab, in front of me was a red BMW.

_No, no, no!_ I'm not prepared for this yet!

'_HE_' got out of the car, and just stood there. Maybe thinking about how stupid I was. I gulped.

"You're stupid." He said, a bit calmer now.

I decided to just act like nothing happened.  
"I just came back from abroad and those are the first words you greet me with?" I said, exasperated.

He didn't smile though.

"You know, the house is just a 30 minute drive away." He said emotionlessly.

"Yeah, but I'm not a lunatic driver paired with a very fast car now, am I?" I retorted.

"Tsk. Just get in." he said as he revved the engine.

"Will do." I replied.

Phew. Glad that we didn't shout at each other. Now I wonder how my life would be back here again, especially that I'm now living with the Hyuuga's until I find an apartment of my own. This is going to be hard. And I hope it wouldn't turn out like 'THAT' December, for a more permanent separation looms just overhead.

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And that concludes Chapter 1.

please **review**, tell me if it has any flaws, okay?

oh, and i'm new here, so.. yeah :] **waves** _konnichiwa minna-san_ !

_**constructive criticism, GO**_ :] nyaaa~ :3

oh, and if you have any suggestions, just PM me or leave a review, it would be highly appreciated :D


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